True Compassion is not based on romanctic fantasy.

When a Man Enters a Woman With His Soul


Chinese charater for to make love

"A woman and a man, if their mutual passion depends merely on pleasure or self-interest, will be tied to each other just as long as they remain a source of pleasure or profit for each other. The moment this comes to an end, the real reason for their passion will also end." - Aristotle

"Better a thousand times to fall a prey to smallpox than to be inoculated with the germ of Talmudwood passion, which is nothing but a bestial service of lust camouflaged by fine dresses and glamorous music." - Theodore Graebner

We are conditioned to ache for soul transforming passion.

Our strangest cultural ideal:

ultimate fulfillment as an individual happens only when lost in the bliss of a sexual relationship.

Sexualization, the idealization of sex, as a force of personal liberation and self fulfillment would have struck the Greeks, Western culture's icons of pagan sexual liberation as very naive.

To the Greeks, Eros was a powerful force of nature, volatile and destructive.

It was an energy necessary for life to continue but one prone to sudden uncontrollable excess.

The Greeks invented a whole repertoire of images that communicated erotic destructiveness; insanity, burning disease and the violence of war – all expressed the mind destroying power of sex.


Rather than a soul nurturing flame, Eros was the conflagration that burned Troy and left its plains strewn with corpses, an inferno lit by the illicit passion of Paris and Helen.

The inherited imagery of Eros, the Greek Cupid, has been emptied of its sinister connotations and signifies instead our sexual sentimentalism.

The Greeks understood that cultural social controls were necessary both to limit the force of sex and to exploit its creative energy.

Sexual taboos, the institution of marriage, emotions like guilt and shame, reason itself, all were devices for clipping Eros' wings.

The Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch explained to us what happens when we liberate Eros from social checks and limits and leave Eros in the hands of the individual alone.

ouch ouch ouch

The verbs of "having" and "getting" so commonly applied to sex bespeak the degree to which sex has been commodified.

We do not speak of "giving sex" or "sharing sex" because of our self-definition as separate, discrete individuals.

The deepest spiritual function of Eros is to melt the boundaries that enforce separation.

Sexual intamacy, more than any other relationship, is diminished and debased by its commoditization.

For the same reason, sex has an enormous subversive potential.

The sharing of self involves the dissolution of the separation in which we live.

Ecstasy awaits us when we throw off separations shackles.

Repressive political regimes in the past have exhibited great hostility toward sexual licentiousness - a form of repression that George Orwell identified as a key feature of totalitarianism.

"In what is considered the "developed" world economies a new "freedom" of "sexual expression" has emerged into the international social cultural psyche which began with the French Revolution which introduced sexual "freedom" and sodomy - the willful destruction of the large intestine in sadistic rituals.

In this new international social cultural world of inverted totalitarianism the base animal instincts and unnatural desires are glorified as transcendently life fulfilling.

International social cultural psyche modification uses a different, more insidious approach to defusing sex's explosive revolutionary potential, attempting to excise its transcendental core of union between two unique discrete beings.

The husk that remains is, depending on the context, an inconsequential pleasure, a biological function, rank animality, obscene temptation, or a frightening taboo.

None of these honors the sacred dimension of sex, which ancient Taoist and Tantric practice saw as nothing less than a gateway to the transcendence of cosmic polarities.

Potentially a touchstone for reconnecting with the true unity behind our all-consuming play of individuation, potentially a secret window through the veil of our illusory separateness, sacred sexuality has been reduced to a fuck." - Charles Eisenstein

In the Social Darwinistic way of viewing sex act as entirly self fulfilling in and of itself, guilt and shame have been discarded as hypocritical, reason has been dismissed as the instrument of repression and neurosis while purely physical pleasure is supposed to satiate the spirits desire for divine union.

venus likes fur

Radical feminists who meticulously catalog the depredations of heterosexual Eros are silent about the darker side of homosexuality.

Sentimental rhetoric blinds us to poison dripping from the arrows of Eros.

Predators feed off liberated sexuality as liberated sexuality sells product.

People easily confuse confuse sexual passion with compassion.

Compassion based solely in pleasure in another is not compassion at all.

True Compassion is not based on vacuous gazes.

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia -
to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. " - H.L. Mencken

"Let's face it, Valentine's Day is a consumer ploy. Romance and propaganda have long made steamy bedfellows. The relationship between diamonds and romance is not rooted in ancient mating rituals but in Machiavellian marketing techniques. Romantic love is built around the illogical premise that infatuation can be shoehorned into a permanent state of being." - Meghan Daum

"Murmuring that your lover's looks, earning power, and IQ meet your minimal standards would probably kill the romantic mood, even if statistically true. The way to a person's heart is to declare the opposite - that you're in love because you can't help it." - psychologist Steven Pinker, Massachusetts Institute of Technology


survival, reproduction, romantic love, sexual passion

Men and women have always depended on each other for survival and reproduction. Romantic love is the universal human emotion that bonds men to women and women to men. This poses a puzzle as we expect evolution to produce supremely rational mechanisms of mate choice.

From an evolutionary perspective, no single decision is more important than the choice of a mate.

How does blind passion, romantic love - a form of dementia that consumes the mind while crowding out all other thoughts and creating emotional dependency through delusional idealization of a partner possibly evolve to solve a problem that might be better solved by cool rationality?

Although rational desires set minimum thresholds on who qualifies as an acceptable mate, rationality profoundly fails to predict the final choice of a mate.

A key to the mystery of love may be found in the psychology of commitment. If a partner chooses you for rational reasons, he or she might leave you for the same rational reasons: finding someone more desirable on all of the "rational" criteria. But if the person is blinded by an uncontrollable passion that cannot be helped and cannot be chosen, a passion for only you and no other, then commitment will not waver when you are in sickness rather than in health, when you are poorer rather than richer.

Romantic passion has a tragic side. Juliet died of poison. Romeo chose to kill himself rather than live without her.

Suicides based on romantic passion have pervaded Japanese culture for centuries, a final vindication of the intensity of a person's commitment. When parents and society conspired to keep lovers apart, lovers sometimes tied themselves together and jump off a cliff or hurl themselves into a well. The most perilous side of romantic passion, however, comes not from a folie à deux, but from a folie à un — the demonic possession that consumes a person when romantic passion is not reciprocated.

Unrequited romantic passion is the foundation for fatal attraction and the experience of unrequited passion is quite common. By the age of 25, most people have experienced unrequited romantic passion at least once, either as a would-be lover whose passions were rejected or as the object of someone's unwanted romantic desires.

One of the great romantic passion stories in history is that of Nicholas and Alexandra.

Nicholas inherited the Russian throne at the end of the 19th century.

During his adolescence his parents started looking for a suitable mate for him. At age 16, contrary to his parent's wishes, he became obsessed with Alexandra, a beautiful princess then living in England with her grandmother, Queen Victoria. Despite parental objections, cultural chasms, and a separation spanning thousands of miles, Nicholas was determined to capture Alexandra's romantic passion. Alexandra, however, found him a bit dull and did not relish the thought of moving to the harsh climate of Moscow. She spurned his advances.

1892 Nicholas turns 24 and, having romantically loved Alexandra for nearly eight years, resolves to make one final effort to win her heart. Given this state of mind, he is devastated when she writes saying that she had definitely decided not to wed him. And she asks him not to contact her again.

Nicholas become a stalker and, eventually, won her love.

words reveal

Once humans evolved romantic passion, the bonds they forged required protection. It would be extraordinarily unlikely that evolution would fail to defend these fragile and fruitful unions against interlopers.

To understand the origins of sexual passion we must understand human reproductive biology. There are evolutionary reasons for the desire for sexual variety which is universal. To produce a single child, women bear the burdens and pleasures of nine months of pregnancy — an obligatory form of parental investment that men cannot share. To produce a child men need only devote a few hours or a few minutes.

Over time the strategy of casual mating proved to be more reproductively successful for men than for women. An ancestral woman, even one having sex with hundreds of partners in the course of a single year will still have produced only a single child. Unless a woman's regular partner proved to be infertile, additional sex partners did not translate into additional children. As a consequence, men evolved a more powerful desire for sex with a variety of women. Mathematically, the number of heterosexual encounters must be identical for the sexes. Men cannot satisfy their lust for sex partners without willing women. Men's sexual passion for multiple partners could never have evolved unless there were some women who shared that sexual desire.

True Compassion is based on respect and compromise.

Sexual encounters require two people.

Three scientific realities provide compelling evidence.

First, the existence of men's sexual jealousy - the ominous sexual passion.

If ancestral women were naturally inclined to be flawlessly faithful, men would have had no evolutionary catalyst for jealousy. Men's jealousy is an evolutionary response to something alarming: the threat of a loved one's infidelity. The intensity of men's jealousy provides a psychological clue that betrays women's desire for men other than their regular partners.

Second, infidelity is known in all cultures, including tribal societies, pointing to the universal prevalence of infidelity. Prevalence rates vary from culture to culture (high in Sweden and low in China), but infidelity occurs everywhere. Sexual infidelity causes divorce worldwide more than any other marital violation, being closely rivaled only by the infertility of the union. The fact that women have affairs in cultures from the Tiwi of northern Australia to the suburbs of Los Angeles reveals that some women refuse to limit themselves to a single partner despite men's attempts to control them and despite the risk of divorce if discovered.

A third line of evidence comes from new research on human sperm competition. Sperm competition occurs when the sperm from two different men inhabit a woman's reproductive tract at the same time. Human sperm remain viable within the woman's reproductive tract for up to seven days. Hundreds of "crypts" recessed within the vaginal walls of women store a man's sperm and then release it several days later to enter a marathon race to her egg. If a woman has sex with two men within the course of a week, sperm competition can ensue, as the sperm from different men scramble and battle for the prize of fertilizing the egg.

Research on sperm competition reveals that men's sperm volume, relative to their body weight, is twice that which occurs in primate species known to be monogamous, a clue that hints at a long evolutionary history of human sperm competition. Human sperm, moreover, come in different shapes designed for different functions. Most common are standard sperm with conical heads and sinewy tails designed for swimming speed. But a substantial minority of sperm have coiled tails. These so-called kamikaze sperm are poorly designed for swimming speed. But that's not their function. When the sperm from two different men are mixed in the laboratory, kamikaze sperm wrap themselves around the egg getters and destroy them, committing suicide in the process.

This physiological evidence reveal a long evolutionary history in which men battled with other men, literally within the woman's reproductive tract, for access to the vital egg needed for transporting their genes into the next generation.

Without a long history of sperm competition, evolution would have favored neither the magnitude of human sperm volume nor the specialized sperm shapes designed for battle. All this evidence - the universality of infidelity, men's sexual jealousy, and the hallmarks of sperm competition - point to a disturbing answer to the question of ancestral women's sexual strategies.

True Compassion is based on compassion and trust.

Historically, women have benefitted from multiple sexual partners in countless ways.

The first and most obvious benefit comes from the direct resources that a sexual partner may provide. A few expensive dinners may not seem like much today, but an extra supply of meat from the hunt would have made the difference between starving and surviving during ancestral winters when the land lay bare, or between merely surviving and robustly thriving during more plentiful times.

Women also can benefit from multiple sexual partners in the currency of quality genes. The puzzle of the peacock's tail provided the telltale clue to this benefit. A peahen's preference for peacocks with brilliant plumage may signal selection for genes for good health. When peacocks carry a high load of parasites, their diminished health is revealed in duller displays. By selecting for luminescence, peahens secure successful healthy genes that will benefit their offspring.

Research by Steve Gangestad and Randy Thornhill of the University of New Mexico reveals that women may be choosing sexual partnerss with especially healthy genes. Women who have sex with different men can also produce more genetically diverse children, providing a sort of "hedge" against environmental change. Although genetic and resource benefits may flow to women who express their hidden sexual passions, our studies uncovered one benefit that overshadowed the others in importance, a benefit we call "mate insurance."

During ancestral times, disease, warfare, and food shortages made survival a precarious proposition. The odds were not trivial that a husband would succumb to a disease, become debilitated by a parasite, or incur injury during a risky hunt or a tribal battle. The paleontological and cross-cultural records reveal this clue - the skulls and skeletons show injuries mostly on males. A woman's husband, in short, stood a significant chance of suffering a debilitating or lethal wound. Ancestral women who failed to have mate insurance, a backup replacement in the event that something happened to her regular partner, would have suffered greatly compared to women who cultivated potential replacements.

Modern women have inherited the desire of their ancestral mothers for replacement mates. Yet women have "lost estrus", engage in sex throughout their ovulatory cycle and their genitals do not become engorged when they ovulate like other mammals.

Conventionalism has declared that a woman's ovulation is cryptic concealed even from herself.

Have the desires associated with ovulation totally vanished?

The answer is no. Women are five times more likely to experience sexual desire when they are ovulating than when they are not and women sometimes act on their sexual passion.

Women who stray tend to time their sexual liaisons with their affair partners to coincide with the peak of their sexual desire, when they are most likely to conceive. Sex with husbands, in sharp contrast, is most likely to occur when these women were not ovulating, a strategy that may be aimed at keeping a man rather than conceiving with him. Women experience sexual desire when they are ovulating, and if they have an extra martial sexual liaison partner, have urges to have sex with him during this phase.

Spouses experience a signal detection problem. The signal detection problem is not merely about picking up accurate signals in the face of an uncertain and ambiguous welter of information. It is also about making correct inferences about the cause of the signal.

Since sexual infidelities are almost invariably secret, the signals they might emit are intentionally muted.

The jealous person experiences an elevated sensitivity to signals of infidelity: "A man may see a red flush on his wife's cheek, she may appear to be standing awkwardly, or sitting sideways on a chair, she has put on a clean dress, there is a cigarette in the fireplace ... the jealous man sees a handkerchief on the floor, a wet cloth in the bathroom, newspapers in a ditch, and attaches to all the same import."

Consider the case of a European psychiatrist who counseled many couples referred to him in which one of the spouses experienced "morbid jealousy." Most of his cases were husbands who had delusions that their wives were sexually unfaithful, and these delusions destroyed the fabric of trust required for harmonious marriage. As he believed that extreme jealousy was a psychiatric illness that could not be cured, his most common recommendation was that the couples separate or divorce.

Many couples followed his recommendations.

As he was keenly interested in the subsequent fate of his patients, he routinely contacted them after a number of months had passed. To his astonishment, he discovered that many of the wives of his patients had subsequently become sexually involved with the very men about whom their husbands had been jealous!

Some of these women actually married the men who were the objects of their husbands suspicions. In many cases, the husbands must have been sensing signs of infidelity. As the wives proclaimed innocence and declared that their husbands jealousy was irrational, the husbands ended up believing that the problem was in their heads.

True Compassion is the greatest thing in the world.

Differences in desirability - when an "8" is married to a "10" -
can heighten sensitivity to signals of infidelity in the partner who has fewer outside mating options.


Jealousy is a part of human nature because of the real threat of sexual treachery. Evolution has forged elaborate defenses to detect and fend off threat of loss. Cutures have developed elaborate moral codes in the attempt to reign in muderous passion.

Jealousy can be emotional acid that corrodes marriages, undermines self-esteem, triggers battering, and leads to the ultimate crime of murder. Despite its dangerous manifestations, jealousy helped to solve a critical reproductive quandary for ancestral men.

Jealous men are more likely to preserve valuable commitments for their own children rather than squandering them on the children of their rivals. As descendants of a long line of men who acted to ensure their paternity, modern men carry with them the dangerous passion of jealousy that led to their forebears' reproductive success.

Extreme jealousy has been given many names — the Othello syndrome, morbid jealousy, psychotic jealousy, pathological jealousy, conjugal paranoia, and erotic jealousy syndrome.

Jealousy can destroy previously harmonious relationships and is not always a reaction to an infidelity that has already been discovered but may be an anticipatory response to intutive feelings of infidelity.

"Labeling jealousy as pathological simply because a spouse has not yet strayed ignores the fact that jealousy can head off an infidelity that might be lurking on the horizon of a relationship." - David M. Buss

earthly delight

satisfaction of the flesh

Chinese charaters for never satisfied

"Fulfilled desire may provide a sense of temporary satisfaction; however, the pleasure we experience upon acquiring a new car or home, for example, is usually shortlived. When we indulge our desires, they tend to increase in intensity and multiply in number. We become more demanding and less content, finding it more difficult to satisfy our needs." - Dalai Lama

Life is short and pleasures of the flesh beckon.

Avoiding pleasures of the flesh is impossible as pleasured flesh is a requirement of continued existence. We need to eat to survive.

If we don't enjoy what we are eating we can't digest it.

If we are unable to digest and absorb nutrients we die.

Natural desire, holding the 'First No Harm' mindset foremost, is to be placated as natural desires are simply calls from the Creator and Sustainer to perform natural duties as a human animal.

A human animal becomes a human being when it feels gratitude for the life sacrificed on behalf of its continued survival.

Hedonism needs to be understood for what she is.

Hedonism can never be allowed free reign for if she is not kept securely contained she can entirely absorb individual consciousness.

And yet Hedonism cannot be bound and chained for if she is the Demons gain control of her and turn her towards unnatural desire.

Hedonism must be allowed to free range, especially on sunny days, but she should be securely locked up on dark stormy nights.

How are we rewarded for keeping Hedonism is check?

- hedonic thermostat resist
- freedom from the trap of obsession
- liberation from the paradox of hedonism
- no turned ankles on a wet winding path strewn with rocks

As flesh cannot be pleased what does that leave?

Nobility, true honor and duty.

The societies of man scream for the elevation of the individual but fall short in teaching the one and only true way that one may be elevated.

Power over others, accumulation of wealth or the attainment of celebrity is generally accepted by MICE culture as the badge of success.

The only true way to be truly elevated is to hold firm in treating each individual with respect and dignity regardless of social position.

Nobility is exercised when one embarks upon a course beneficial for all.

Honor is exercised when one travels a course beneficial for all.

Duty is exercised by staying the course.

"For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to Law of God; indeed, it cannot." - Romans 8:7

"Love for me had taken on the form and the being of my little Josette.

We had met long before, in the rear of the millinery shop in which she worked at Tours.

She had smiled at me with singular persistence, and I caught her head in my hands, kissed her on the lips - and found out suddenly that I loved her.

I no longer recall the strange bliss we felt when, we first embraced.

It is true, there are moments when I still desire her as madly as the first time.

This is so especially when she is away.

When she is with me, there are moments when she repels me.

I dreamed of a unique, an unheard of idyll with a woman far from the one with whom I had hitherto lost all my time, a woman whose features I did not see, but whose shadow I imagined beside my own as we walked along the road together.

Bracelets, necklaces, rings.

The sparkling of the jewels made me feel far away from them as do the stars.

A young girl looked at me with vague blue eyes.

What could I do against that kind of sapphire?

I watched her bosom rising and falling, and her motionless face, and the living book that was merged with her.

Her complexion was so brilliant that her mouth seemed almost dark.

Her beauty saddened me.

I looked at this unknown woman with sublime regret.

She caressed me by her presence.

A woman always caresses a man when she comes near him and they are alone.

In spite of all sorts of separation, there is always an awful beginning of happiness between them." - Henri Barbusse
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